You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
