i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
