is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
