Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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