Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
