It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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