he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
