i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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