we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
3 2 1 whiskey
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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