I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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