Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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