Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
