Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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