her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
