Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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