brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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