It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
