the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
