I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
