Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
