well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
