When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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