my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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