Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
