kristin has been a bad kristin
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
