Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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