You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Everyone says I win the strip club
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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