I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
