U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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