Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
