I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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