omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
