Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
