my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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