i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
