I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
