I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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