this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
