The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
40s are totally the cure
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
