when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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