peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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