you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
