I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
