we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
