My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
