I wish I could punch you in the face.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
