He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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