I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
