bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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