i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
