You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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