TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
